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Final Up to date on February 21, 2022 by Randy Withers, LCMHC
Do you appeal to creeps, management freaks, abusive alcoholics, and narcissists? Have you ever needed to safe not less than one restraining order since you broke up with some lunatic who had his mother textual content you that he was going to commit suicide until you took him again?
Would you prefer to study find out how to damage an important relationship?
Earlier than we get into it, let’s start with a number of questions: do you’ve got practice wrecks in your life? Are practice wrecks your spirit animal? Are practice wrecks your jam? Maybe part of you likes the truth that you’re simply so significantly better than these fools.
![How To Ruin A Relationship In 8 Easy Steps](https://www.blunt-therapy.com/wp-content/uploads/How-To-Ruin-A-Relationship-In-8-Easy-Steps.jpg)
These guys fulfill your should be in management whereas reinforcing your poor sense of self-worth. So, when a Good Man randomly makes his means into the pockmarked minefield that’s your love life, it’s solely pure that you simply’d burn any likelihood of happiness to the bottom.
Why? As a result of he’s mentally wholesome, and that freaks you out. As a result of he’s variety, so he should have an agenda. As a result of he’s affected person, in order that should imply he’s judging you. As a result of he’s good in mattress, in order that should imply he’s sleeping round. As a result of good males don’t truly exist.
If ideas like “contentment” or “happiness” make you wish to heave, then listed here are 8 sure-fire steps to make sure that you drive the great ones away, and proceed to draw the dumpster fires you’re extra snug relationship.
![How To Ruin A Relationship In 8 Easy Steps - make him responsible for the sins of others](https://www.blunt-therapy.com/wp-content/uploads/23-1.jpg)
Step 1: Make him chargeable for the sins of others
Probably the most efficient methods to damage an important relationship is to match it to all of the horrible ones you’ve had. By doing so, you get to make use of your personal affirmation bias to perpetuate the false narrative that All Males Are Jerks. fr
You already know that alcoholic man-child who moved in with you after three weeks? You already know, the man who berated you in public and known as you a c-nt? See, he was fairly dangerous, and he had a penis.
So the Good Man you’re relationship now shouldn’t be truly a Good Man, as a result of he had a drink that one time you went to a bar collectively. Additionally, he’s bought a penis too. In order that they’re mainly the identical particular person.
![How To Ruin A Relationship In 8 Easy Steps - keep it in](https://www.blunt-therapy.com/wp-content/uploads/31-2.jpg)
Step 2: Preserve it in.
If there’s one factor all of your horrible relationships have taught you, it’s that you need to by no means, ever categorical your emotions.
It is because unhealthy folks in unhealthy relationships will use your emotions as a weapon. For those who current your self as weak, in any means, you’re mainly saying that it’s open season on your entire darkest fears.
A Good Man truly needs you to speak to him. If he’s doing one thing mistaken, he truly needs suggestions. He’s naturally inclined to please you. Who needs that rubbish?
Professional tip: For those who actually wish to sandbag a wonderfully wholesome relationship, preserve your considerations to your self. Allow them to fester. Allow them to flip into resentment.
That means, by the point you lastly blow up at him due to some perceived slight that has no precise foundation in actuality, then you definitely’ll have wonderful justification for while you drop him like third interval French.
![How To Ruin A Relationship In 8 Easy Steps - violate boundaries](https://www.blunt-therapy.com/wp-content/uploads/28-2.jpg)
Step 3: Violate boundaries
In a poisonous relationship, issues all the time all the time all the time come down to 2 issues.
First, ineffective communication. This generally is a bit sophisticated, so listed here are some examples with which you’re little doubt acquainted. Speaking not directly about an issue. Speaking at somebody. Utilizing textual content messages to convey delicate info.
Sarcasm, passive-aggressive barbs, anger masquerading as teasing, or my private favourite — not saying something in any respect!
Second, boundary violations. Invariably, individuals who have a sample of unhealthy relationships are all about enmeshment and drama. They crave it. It’s like a drug for them. They both create the drama themselves, or they put themselves in conditions the place drama will ensue.
If you wish to keep away from Good Males and the prospect of, say, an excellent friendship that might even result in a wholesome marriage with youngsters and colleges and mutual funds and all that crap, then preserve doing this.
The takeaway from this step is that this: if you wish to be sure that your relationships are unsatisfying, shitty, and/or probably abusive, then positively use unhealthy communication types, and set poorly maintained boundaries. Works like a allure.
This may even drive a Good Man away as a result of screw that madness. Why *on this planet* would you wish to be with a person who truly cares about what it’s a must to say? Why would you desire a man who’s keen to study from his errors?
Why would you desire a man who’s keen to say he’s sorry?
![How To Ruin A Relationship In 8 Easy Steps - never apologize](https://www.blunt-therapy.com/wp-content/uploads/22-2.jpg)
Step 4: By no means, ever apologize.
Within the 1970 film Love Story, Ali MacGraw’s character says “Love means by no means having to say you’re sorry” after her boyfriend will get pissed off and later apologizes for it. That is, arguably, the stupidest line of film dialogue to ever poison the nationwide zeitgeist.
Of course it’s a must to say you’re sorry in a wholesome relationship! Of course you do! What sort of loopy drugs have been these screenwriters consuming?
For those who by no means apologize, your relationships will proceed to suck.
In wholesome relationships, folks make errors. And once they do, they take duty for these errors. That is known as “Being an Grownup.”
For those who like Unhealthy Males, then keep away from taking duty for something, ever, in any respect prices. Individuals who take duty have “self-awareness” and “perception” and acknowledge that relationships are partnerships and that no facet is ever 100% at fault.
Step 5: Bow to affirmation bias
![How To Ruin A Relationship In 8 Easy Steps - cherry pick](https://www.blunt-therapy.com/wp-content/uploads/23-1.jpg)
If you wish to damage a relationship, you’ll must step up your sport with affirmation bias.
Don’t know what that’s? Right here’s an Official Definition from Psychology In the present day:
Affirmation bias happens from the direct affect of want on beliefs. When folks would really like a sure concept/idea to be true, they find yourself believing it to be true. They’re motivated by wishful pondering. This error leads the person to cease gathering info when the proof gathered thus far confirms the views (prejudices) one want to be true.
That is one thing individuals who come from dysfunctional backgrounds do on a regular basis.
They get an concept of their head and it festers for therefore lengthy that it turns into actual. Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. For those who bow to affirmation bias, you search for issues that reinforce your perception and ignore the issues that don’t.
Jealousy is a good instance. For those who look arduous sufficient in any relationship, you will discover one thing to get jealous about. Whether or not the jealousy is legit is irrelevant. For those who imagine it, it should be true proper?
![How To Ruin A Relationship In 8 Easy Steps - make assumptions](https://www.blunt-therapy.com/wp-content/uploads/30-2.jpg)
Step 6: Make assumptions
The great thing about all these steps is how seamlessly they intertwine. Step 6 isn’t any totally different. And the excellent news is, when you have a historical past of trashing nice relationships for no professional motive, you’ve in all probability already mastered it.
An assumption is a guess. It’s a conjecture, extrapolation, speculation. It’s a factor that’s accepted as true, with none precise proof. Assumptions are dangerous. People are horrible at making them, and we’re virtually all the time mistaken.
Bear in mind — the aim right here is to not discover ways to take pleasure in a wholesome relationship. The aim right here is to remain in horrible ones, so that you generally is a sufferer and stay morally superior with out ever having to just accept private duty.
Once we assume {that a} Good Man is only a Unhealthy Man ready to occur, we are likely to search for methods to make it true. See the earlier dialogue about affirmation bias.
Once we assume {that a} Good Man’s mistake is simply indicative of who he’s, we gained’t even trouble to offer him an opportunity to repair it, and we’ll seemingly simply drop him as a result of males are pigs and so they by no means change.
If you assume, you make a one-sided resolution with out the effort of communication or compromise.
![How To Ruin A Relationship In 8 Easy Steps -hold court with your friends](https://www.blunt-therapy.com/wp-content/uploads/24-2.jpg)
Step 7: Maintain court docket with your folks
In mature, wholesome relationships, it’s by no means a good suggestion to contain your catty, maladjusted mates. They secretly suppose you’re pathetic, so while you do that, it simply reinforces that notion.
Girls who stay and breathe dysfunction prefer to get collectively and maintain court docket — often on new relationships.
What’s superior about these gatherings is that they’re solely going in your notion of the “downside,” which naturally you’ll embellish, as a result of it’s as much as you to carry their consideration by actually promoting how horrible the in-no-way horrible relationship yours truly is. You already know — for sympathy!
However actuality isn’t vital proper now. Your folks’ callous, uninformed opinions are what issues. And your sufferer’s mentality. Don’t neglect that one.
So all your folks get collectively, and so they put your new relationship on trial, as a result of possibly their very own relationships are horrible and unfulfilling, and it provides them satisfaction to tear yours aside. And apart from, you’ve dated some actual sleaze baggage prior to now, in order that they’ve gotten fairly good at this.
Besides no, their recommendation and evaluation sucks. There are not less than 4 explanation why:
First, they’re not simply holding court docket in your Good Man. Their holding court docket on each relationship you’ve ever had. And each relationship they’ve ever had, too.
And since they’ve by no means met your Good Man, they get to make wild assumptions (there’s that phrase once more) that truly haven’t any foundation in actuality. However you don’t care. Your sisters have your again, and that’s all that issues. Even when their evaluation is laughably incorrect.
Second, recommendation *all the time* sucks. In skilled counseling, recommendation is taken into account unethical, as a result of recommendation hinges on the concept individuals are too dumb to determine issues out on their very own.
Contemplate this quote:
The issue with recommendation is that the advisor seldom understands the total implications of the issue. When folks share their considerations with us, they typically show solely the “tip of the iceberg.” The advisor is unaware of the complexities, emotions, and the numerous different components that lie hidden beneath the floor.”— Robert Bolton, Individuals Abilities
Individuals who give recommendation — particularly relationship recommendation — inherently imagine that they instantly know the answer to an issue that has heretofore confounded you. Don’t imagine them. They by no means, ever do.
Third, there’s this factor known as “Group Suppose,” which mainly says that the extra people who find themselves concerned in a choice, the extra idiotic the choice might be.
Fourth, speaking a bunch of crap about your new boyfriend is one thing a 16-year-old does. Grown, mature girls discuss to the person of their life. They work collectively in the direction of a decision. That’s what makes wholesome relationships. For those who’re the one appearing like a tenth grader, then possibly it’s not your Man who’s the issue.
![How To Ruin A Relationship In 8 Easy Steps - make decisions while drinking](https://www.blunt-therapy.com/wp-content/uploads/25-2.jpg)
8: Make selections whereas consuming.
This one’s fairly easy.
Ingesting is simply the most effective. Calms the nerves, releases inhibition, and subverts vital pondering. At all times make selections whereas consuming. For those who can, all the time make vital relationship selections whereas drunk.
Get collectively along with your catty mates, knock again some wine, and spend a number of hours sifting via each single dialog, intimate second, and telephone alternate you’ve ever had.
Make certain to depart out all those that have been actually simply fantastic, quiet moments the place the 2 of you actually related — these will simply get in the best way. No, be sure to concentrate on the minutia. He gained’t be there to defend himself, so you possibly can’t fail.
The underside line is that this: issues simply make extra sense while you’re consuming. The main points are simply so clear. No one has ever gone mistaken poisoning their bloodstream with a poisonous chemical.
![How To Ruin A Relationship In 8 Easy Steps - the end of a relationship](https://www.blunt-therapy.com/wp-content/uploads/26-2.jpg)
Conclusion
For those who comply with these steps, you’ll by no means need to endure a wholesome, mutually useful, mature relationship. You’ll by no means need to expertise the burden of efficient communication. You’ll by no means need to take care of the angst of correct social and emotional boundaries. You’ll by no means need to depend on “direct dialog” to make your level.
And also you’ll all the time have mates to remind you that you simply’re a sufferer.
That means, you’ll be capable to proceed relationship jerks with reckless abandon. No extra ridiculous kindness, empathy, or respect. No extra of this “your wants getting met” nonsense.
The sweetness is, you don’t even want to make use of all eight. Any considered one of these will do the job simply effective.
Let me know in case you preferred this submit. Your suggestions is vital!